I Don't Want to Live Anymore
Are you reflecting on your life and trying to picture what it will be like in the future? Since you landed on this page you are probably thinking something like I don't want to live anymore. I would like to give you a different perspective. I don't know your life or what you are going through and I am sure it is very hard. I feel bad that you are feeling this way, so I wanted to write something that may help you.
With that in mind, please take the time to read this. If not for yourself, but as a favor for the stranger that wrote this for you.
Perspective is everything. Think of a child that sees a glowing green jar of liquid. To them it looks like some delicious magical drink. They ask to drink it, but you tell them "no, it's not for drinking." They get upset and emotional because in their mind they are right and believe it really is for drinking.
In reality, it's a jar of antifreeze. If they drink it, it would cause severe pain and even death. They have a very narrow perspective and since they don't have as much knowledge or experience in the world they can't see past their limiting view.
Even adults can have this same problem, but it may not be because of our lack of knowledge or experience. Sometimes it is, but not always. Many times our emotions can cloud our judgment and reason. Have you ever felt really angry about something even though you knew it really wasn't a big deal? I know I have.
I felt angry and reacted in anger even though my rational mind was telling me it really isn't a big deal. My rational mind was even telling me to stop and relax, but the emotions of anger and pride were stopping me from being rational. I am sure this has happened to us all at one point or another.
I call this an emotional imbalance. Think of a teeter-totter. If someone is a lot heavier, then the other side won't go down. Basically, our emotions are too high on one side and cause the other side to be ineffective. This is a short-term emotional imbalance. We can also have a long-term or chronic imbalance.
The long-term emotional imbalance is when we have chronic stress, trauma, or a mental health disorder. This really affects our perspective and our decision-making abilities. Think about if you had a traumatic experience that you haven't recovered from. Maybe you have a lot of fear, depression, and anxiety. You logically know that you have a lot to live for. You have family, friends, a decent job, etc. Compared to a lot of people your life is pretty good. Especially if you compare yourself to someone living in poverty in a third-world country.
The logic doesn't matter to you since all you can feel is the pain and grief you are dealing with. Logically you have a good life compared to others, but you feel like you don't want to live anymore. Similar to how the child felt about wanting to drink that delicious-looking drink, they didn't care about the logic (the parent's knowledge that it was poison).
Look at the below example, where the pain is so great that it becomes heavier than wisdom and logic. You will always have pain, but the goal is to not let it win. We want our logic and wisdom to win.
One thing that we haven't talked about is hope. Hope is much more powerful than any trauma or mental health disorder you can have. Hope can help balance the teeter-totter so that logic and wisdom wins (your future). It can make this emotional imbalance, balanced once again so you can make sound and rational decisions that will help you and your future.
What were the dreams and visions you once had? Are they no longer possible? Are you 100% certain? What about coming up with new dreams and visions? Are you in pain? Can your experience help other people that are in pain? There must be something to look forward to. There must be someone that is worth living for.
I may not be able to heal you from the trauma or issues you are facing, but I can give you hope that will balance your emotions so the pain stops winning. This hope can help overcome the thoughts "I don't want to live anymore." I used to have these thoughts and even attempted suicide. I found hope and peace that have transformed my life. So much that I now dedicate my life to helping others. Please visit the I Want to Kill Myself page to find this hope and to see my testimony.
I hope this helped give you a little better perspective. Please find hope and you can begin to dream again and eventually live your life to the fullest.